Dsmiley23’s Weblog

For starters, I went to the doctor and seen the baby bounce around. I couldn’t feel anything because its still early. I am 13 weeks now. Chris still doesn’t seem to care about this situation. I don’t care anymore, It was just stressing me out to just keep him happy or his own way. Other notes,  I am hoping that everything goes smoothly with the move to NYC in a couple of weeks. I hope I have enough money. I am working on it. Another note, most importantly I hope I can do this all on my own. Single Mom starting a career. Wish me luck.

I am moving on Sept 28 to New York City. I can’t wait to move. However, that isn’t the only big thing that is going on in my life. I am pregnant!!! I am 7 weeks so far. The only thing that sucks at the moment is morning sickness that is lasting all day. I have not kept anything down. I can’t take my prenatal since it makes me vomit. I hate this feeling. I am hungry and yet it comes back out after it went down. If anyone knows of any special techniques to handle this, don’t hesitate to comment.

I was thinking the other day. How come no one remembers the day they were born or even in the womb? I was thinking about when was my earliest memory.  The earliest memory I have is a blurry one but from when I was in the crib and its my only memory of me in a crib with my dad doing something in the room next to me. I was in the far bedroom where my sisters shared when they got older. After that memory is from preschool. I can’t remember anything before I started preschool and the crib memory. Its weird. How come we can remember more with our teen years and on than before we could walk? I wonder if there is anything to prevent this?

So moving on…just had to get that off my mind.

I am moving to NYC in Sept. I am working my booty off. I can’t wait to start an adventure. If anyone noticed from my previous posts that I am single now. I just recently turned him in and he is waiting trial. I always seem to go for the bad and using types. When will I ever find my prince charming? Well, right now, I am going to live life and not worry about relationships. I am kind of scared about New York. I hear everything that is bad about it that I wonder if I will ever find something good. I am also worried about getting a job and subways and trains… I feel like I should be in the movie “The Wiz” to help me out.  I am also worried if I will save up the money I need to move. I think I may just take vacation at one job then work overtime on another job while I am on vacation with the one job. Then the other way around after one vacation is over.  I will make it though.

On another note, I plan on surprising my sister tomorrow. She thinks that I am not going to her baby shower. I am taking my Best Friend Brett with me.  Brett is also moving with me to NYC.  He is like a big brother. Also, he is blunt and will tell me how it is in a constructive criticism way. I used to have a crush on him til I found out that he was gay. Poop, but hey at least living with him is a step up.

Of course, I am at work so I better get off here and do something productive.

I was engaged and last week I ended the relationship. My fiancee cheated on me with a coworker. Later I found out that he was also a scam artist. He was never a Ranger in the army and let alone a Staff Seargent. He was also planning on taking my money when we shared the same account. I didn’t end up sharing anyways, but he would have. I found all this information from his Exes. To top it all off, I was his 4th fiancee in 3 years. After hearing all of this I am completely over him. I am soo glad I got out of that relationship when I did. By the way not to sound conceeded or anything but I am waaayyy prettier than her. The homewrecker is not rich but her family is so she is spoiled and right now he is living with her. I know it was childish, but the night I put his stuff on the porch sicne I didn’t want him in my house. I poured body wash all over his clean clothes and etc. Well now I am on the market. I have learned quite alot since this experience. I need to take my time with men. I can’t get attached too easily and take care of me before I take care of anyone else. I am sooo glad I did it before marriage.

I haven’t written in a long time; sorry about that. The new things in my life are my fiance and his 2 children. It is a little stressful but I love him. I have heard that having a relationship is like having another job…. that is soooo true. Our honeymoon period is over and now its trying to keep our relationship at a balance. I have to balance “our” time, time with the kids (one-on-one) and most of all making sure everyone is happy. It is hard. I am working 2 full time jobs and looking for a 3rd full time job. I am the one that brings the bread to the table. My fiance is working one full time job and wants to quit his job. If he is not happy with the job, then I think it would be best for him to quit. However, I think he should have a full time job to help me out a little bit. Is that too hard to ask? Or am I being selfish?

Earlier this week, he told me that I was selfish. He asked me, “Who is the most important person in your life?”. I responded with “Me.” He said that proved his point on me being selfish. I explained to him that in order for me to help other people, I need to help myself. He said that I need to put others before myself. So basically we didn’t understand each other. I explained to him that I supported him for two months before he even found a job. How is that not putting someone first?

I also found that I am a jealous person. I wouldn’t think I would be this jealous but I am. I am working on it, though. Here is what is going on. This one pregnant woman is working with my fiance. She lets him drive her car and even lets him borrow it whenever he asks for it. We have one car, and I (of course) usually have it. It just bothers me when he drive s her car because it is sooo much nicer. She doesn’t pay for anything except for her one son and her soon to be here baby. She texts him literally 12 times a day. I tried to be nice to her just for the sake of my fiance. She was such a bitch to me when I tried. I talked with my fiance about it and all he told me was, ” well, I told you all my friends are assholes.” I told him that I don’t care who he is friends with as long as his friends respect me as his fiance. He said nothing after that.

Well, I never thought a relationship is hard work but it is worth every effort. I love him and will do anything to make and keep him happy. I just hope its the same with him. I know there are going to be more obstacles along the way.  So to sum up what relationships are: Relationships are like rollorcoasters. You have the thrill when your doing great and everything looks up and when the coaster goes down it feels like your heart and stomach dropswith every problem that seems to get in the way of the fun. But remember there is always an up after the down.

Have a BLESSED day!!!

I know it is late to talk about this subject but Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift singing was amazing! I can’t wait til April 10th when the new Hannah Montana Movie is coming out. I am counting down the days! Well I heard that Miley and Taylor are touring together. I am still doing research on whether it is true or not. I want tickets if it is true. Two of my favorite artists are singing together, amazing!! Have a Blessed Day!!!

My insurance from one of my full time jobs has been canceled because I wasn’t working for a month with that company. I have to wait for another 4 months before it shows back up again. Well that Biopsy, I now can’t do it because of the insurance. I should had gotten health insurance without work being involved. It is kinda frustrating.

I have decided to move back to my hometown and work in KCMO. I think it would be best to build up my resume more since moving to Florida, California, New York, and etc would be very competitive. I plan to build up my resume for 5 years then move away, far, far away (from MO that is).

I plan on watching the Inaugrual Speech. Can’t wait!

For starters, Everyone is starting to talk more about the end of days. I work with this one woman that is more Christ like than what I am. She was asking what I thought about Obama. I told her that I voted for him since McCain kept going back on his word alot along with double standards. She then stated that she didn’t vote for either and it was her first election not voting. She was telling me that she has bad feelings about how there will be 36 months of peace or something like that before the anti-christ comes. I don’t really understand. I read Revelations twice and even tried reading the whole bible but I always get lost in the wording.  I just wanted to get others opinions about Christ’s second coming.

I am supposed to go to the doctor tomorrow for a biopsy and well I plan on canceling it. I feel fine and kinda scared knowing the results. Well the real dilema is where to move after I graduate. I want to move to Florida because its so warm and beautiful. I also want to move to Washington D.C. because I always wanted to go to the museums, monuments, and its a shorter distance if I want to go shopping in NYC. I also want this Disney Internship but the thing is that a friend of mine got accepted and to be honest I am kind of jealous and angry all at the same time. She is always in competition with me. She is so rich, she gets whatever she wants. I hate to compete against things but I have always wanted to work for Disney and now my chances are slim to none. Well what it seems to be that is.  I know I will just have to try harder to get what I want.

I just wanted to say dating sucks and I wish I had been in an arranged marriage. Well that is all for now. I hope everyone has a blessed day!

Well it turns out that Washington is postponed until August 2009 since my older sister is popping another baby out in July. I don’t want to move then have to come back a few weeks later. Just an update on that.

Today was a terrible day. I have opinions and would expect that not everyone will agree with what I think. It is rare for me to change my mind but I am optimistic and willing to hear the opposing statement. Well I was making a statement and it offended a friend of mine. I appologized because of how I said it but not appologizing for what was said. My friend wouldn’t even talk to me. Well my friend had a phone call and wanted the person on the phone to call back after I left. I thought my friend was going to talk about me. I told my friend that I would appreciate it if someone would bash me to my face instead of behind my back. Well the friend on the phone called back and my friend went to the garage. When my friend came back in, I said “Vented, Did we?” Well something I didn’t know was that one of my friend’s friend had passed away. I was about to cry. I didn’t know this person but felt bad for what I said. Now it seems that I don’t care for my friends feelings. After my friend went to have time alone, I went to appologize and pay respects. My friend said “I don’t want anything to do with you, right now”. I was so devastated. I feel like I lost my friend over the fact that I can’t hold my tongue. I am a very bold person and will speak my mind. I sometimes don’t think about how what I say would effect someone personally. I guess I have now learned from experience to think before speaking. I just hope that my experience will get the point across of how important it is to THINK BEFORE SPEAKING.

I haven’t updated in a while. I am glad the campaigns are over. I am so excited about Obama being president. I believe that with what he states as what he will do while in office will benefit our country. It will only take time.

On other notes, I will be moving to Washington D.C. in June and its coming quicker than I plan. I am already working 2 Jobs to save up as much as I can. I can’t wait. I am also trying to save up to go to Germany in the summer but its ok if that doesn’t happen when I want it to. I will be going though so no one doubt me on that one.

I hope everyone has a great day!